Movie
Reviews
Scale 1(bad) – 10(good)
Team America = 8
Very funny movie… 90% of the jokes cant be shown in
the trailers… funniest movie I’ve seen this year
Resident Evil 2 = 7
2 hot chicks kickin zombies ass, what else could you ask
for?
The Village = 6.5
A little slow and different, but tries to make up for it
at the end with the surprise ending… doesn’t
quite work though
AVP = 6.5
this shoulda been awesome, instead it was just OK, which
is disappointing
Van
Helsing = 7
After waiting about a year for this movie, I must say I’m
a little disappointed. Only a little, because after finding
out who the director was and seeing the trailer, my expectations
decreased greatly. I was hoping for a darker story, more “R” rated
film. What I got was almost super hero, comic book. Stephen
Sommers, who also did the Mummy movies, sucks as a filmmaker.
The $160 million spent on the film made it visually appealing
and kept it from being waste. It’s an OK movie that
could have been so much more.
Kill Bill Volume 2 = 8
Very good film. Not the action epic volume one was, but
still very entertaining. The scenes with Pei Mei, the White
Lotus
Priest, is priceless. Can’t wait for the DVD, where
I can see both volumes together. Best movie I’ve
seen this year.
The Rundown = 7
Pretty good action comedy. The Rock is improving as an
actor and the movie is much better than Scorpion King.
Stifler
is funny as usual and the cameo by Arnold is humorous too.
The action scenes are surprisingly good.
Dawn of the Dead = 7.5
Pretty good horror flick. Doesn’t have all the usual
clichés that come with most horror films. With the
exception of gigantic plotholes, it’s actually a
fairly smart film and well put together. Lots of blood
and gore,
but not all that scary, but still an interesting plot and
executed with style.
Cabin Fever = 2
This sucked a big one. The only thing this it has going
for it, is that the premise is a little different than
most other
horror films. But just like the other horror films, the
characters are stupid and their actions make no sense whatsoever.
Don’t
waste your time on this wreck.
Lost in Translation = 6.5
I was very disappointed with this one. It got rave reviews
and a lot of critics loved it. I thought it was just OK.
It’s a drama/comedy, so I was expecting something like
About Schmidt. But it’s not nearly as funny or interesting.
The lead female is unhappy with her life. Her husband presumably
makes good money, but she’s depressed cause she doesn’t
know what to do with her life and she feels unfulfilled.
She should go spend a day with one of the many young girls
working at McDonald’s for minimum wage and coming home
to their abusive hubby’s and single wide trailer. Then
she’ll really learn to appreciate her life, where she
doesn’t have to work. I had no sympathy for her, so
it was hard to be interested when she meets Bill Murray and
they bond for a special friendship. I’d rather someone
slap the hoe and tell her the glass is half full not half
empty.
Starsky & Hutch = 6.5
Funny, but not hilarious. You’d expect a lot more laughs
from a movie starring Stiller, Ferrell and Wilson. Okay film
overall and keeps you chuckling, but I’ve seen more
funny movies from less established cast, in other words
look at Club Dread
Broken
Lizard’s Club Dread = 7.5
This was a very funny movie. Pretty much a horror spoof comedy
like Scary Movie, but it was much better than Scary Movie
2, which sucked. Lots of hot chicks, I mean every girl in
the movie is in a bikini or nude. Jordan Ladd and Brittany
Daniels are the female leads and they are HOT!! You may remember
Daniels from Joe Dirt, where she was equally hot. The movie
is absolutely hilarious as well, poking fun at Jimmy Buffett,
reality TV shows and the teen slasher flicks. Go see it if
you like this kind of comedy.
Freddy vs Jason =3
I knew this was gonna be bad, but I didn’t know it
would be this bad. Besides all of the usual dumb things in
horror movies, this one added a few more ridiculous items
in it. Like the teens figuring out that Freddy was too weak
to kill them and was using Jason. With no clues or help,
they just piece it together. These teens are smart enough
to go find Osama Bun Laden. Then there’s asinine plot
device of the local sheriff quarantining the whole town,
nobody gets in or out and they don’t want any help
from the FBI or any outside authorities. I’m sure you
could really lock down a whole town with anyone finding out.
How’s the sheriff gonna explain that one to the FBI,
when one person in the town picks up the phone and calls
the state or feds. I guess there’s no deliveries going
in and out of town, businesses will just have to shut down
and no travelers passing through, they’ll have to go
around the city. And no State Troopers too, they’ll
definitely have to go around. Oh yeah, two teens easily break
out of a mental hospital and just as easily break back in
to get pills, no wonder the town can be kept locked down
if everyone is this inept. Man, was this stupid! I’ll
never get back 90 minutes wasted on this crap. The only
reason it gets a 3 is because of nude scenes by a few girls
and
it had a lot of hot chicks, plus they kill off Kelly Rowland.
Bad Boys 2 = 6.5
I knew this wouldn’t be that good, that’s why
I waited until PPV to see it. Martin Lawrence is no longer
funny and its been a long time since he was in a god or humorous
movie. There’s 2 trends in action movies today I cant
stand. One is to CGI an action scene to death( see Matrix
Reloaded), the other is to speed up the scene so everything
is blurry and you don’t see anything(this movie).
Still Smith and Martin do work pretty well together,
but this film
is probably 3 or 4 years too late.
Finding Nemo = 7.5
Pretty good Disney film. Funny and the animation is great.
The old two dimension cartoon is dead, Everything will
now be pixar. I’ve like all their pixar films so
far, Ice Age, Toy Story, now Nemo.
Santa Clause 2 = 6.5
Never saw the first one, but saw this one anyways. Tim Allen
is Sanat and he has to get married fast to stay Santa, hijinx
ensues. Some funny moments, okay film I guess.
Hollywood Homicide = 5.5
OK film. Nothing really great about it. Worth watching on
HBO or something, but not worth spending money on. Typical
buddy/buddy action/comedy cop movie.
Elf = 7
A pretty funny holiday film. Will Ferrell is hilarious,
although the plot is very kiddy. A 6-foot human in the
north pole
with Santa’s Elves. Good family I guess.
Bulletproof Monk = 5.5
Not very good. Action scenes were kinda lame and the plot
was just dumb. Special effects weren’t good either.
Stifler makes it watchable with some funny scenes.
Matrix Revolutions = 7.5
Better than Reloaded, but still has a lot of problems. I
agree with those that they say this was not meant to be a
trilogy, cause the last 2 films differ greatly in attitude
and atmosphere from the first. For example, in the first
film you have to run for your life from the agents because
their so deadly, but in Reloaded everyone not only fights
them, but practically holds their own with no explanation
as to what has changed to cause this.
Kill Bill = 8.5
Very good movie. Take a 70’s China, kung fu flic, add
a Hollywood budget and Tarrintino’s directing and style
with a pinch of spaghetti western and you have Kill Bill.
Uma is killed on her wedding day, along with her baby in
the oven, the groom, the priest, and everyone else that’s
there. But she isn’t dead, just in a coma. She wakes
up 4 years later, wanting serious samurai/kung fu revenge!
The style, camera work, cinematography, and action are all
great. It’s very violent and bloody, but cartoonish
at times, which keeps it from being grotesque or disturbing.
One bad thing is the split into 2 movies, you have to wait
for the sequal, Vol. II for the conclusion. But after the
nonstop pace of this one, you do need a breather. The finale,
where Uma takes on Lucy and the Crazy 88 gang in a 20 minute
fight, is fun, but it drains you and you need a break to
recoop.
Poolhall Junkies = 4
Do not see this movie. Rent the Hustler and the
Color of Money first before you see this crap. This movie
not only
rips off the 2 previous movies, but Rounders as well. And
when I say ripoff, I mean literally, an exact copy with
nothing new at all added. Just like in Rounders the star,
Johnny,
is a hustler and his girlfriend is law student. Just like
in Rounders, she wants him to quit it for good and goes
through his pockets to find out that he still hustles.
Juts like
in Rounders, they live together but split up because hustling
makes him late for everything they plan together. Just
like in Rounders, the star has an ordinary job that he
dreads
and constantly dreams about hustling some more. Just like
in Rounders, the star wants to be a pro and in the end
he becomes one. If that wasn’t bad enough, the hustles
they pull in this movie would get you killed on the spot
in real life. And finally in the end, when the star has the
game won, he pulls an unnecessary hustle. The game was all
but won, the hustle makes no sense and was even more of a
risk than playing the game out. The only good points are
Chaz Palminteri, Christopher Walken and Johnny’s
buddies, who are way more interesting than him.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico = 7
Not as good as Desperado. Actions scenes are lacking
and story doesn’t make much sense. Some good comedy
though and Eva Mendes and Selma Hayek are always nice to
look at
it.
Matchstick Men = 7.5
Good film, would get a higher rating if the end
was better. Cage and his buddy are con artists. Cage finds
out about
his daughter he never knew existed and starts a relationship
with her that runs into his conning life. Funny film, very
smart, too smart, cause the ends gets all screwed up and
doesn’t make much sense.
AmericanWedding = 7
This should be renamed the Stifler Show, as he
has officially taken over the franchise. Kevin and Finch
are
just supporting
cast members. Jim and Michelle’s wedding is used as
the vehicle for Stifler’s comedy. Jim and his dad still
have some funny moments, but Stifler carries the movie. Is
it a good movie? Well, it’s funny. It’s not as
fresh and original as the first. So it’s definitely
not as good, but it is almost as funny. There’s no
mention of what happened to Oz, Nadia, the Sherminator
or Tara Reid. The script seemed to have been written with
keeping
Finch and Kevin out as well, but then at the last second
they were thrown in with nothing for them to do. The only
characters to come out of the American Pie series with
any drawing power seems to be Stifler, who has been in
a number
of other movies. Briggs, Reid, Suvari, Kline, and Nichols
all have struggled with their careers away from the franchise.
Still if you enjoy this kind of humor, like me, then its
worth the money for the laughs.
Battle Royale = 9
DAM this was a good movie. The first movie I’ve rated
over an 8. I watched it twice in 2 days, I’ve never
done that with any DVD. Quick summary, a class of 40 9th
graders are sent to a deserted island by the government.
They are equipped with exploding dog collars. They are all
equipped with food, water and weapons and they must kill
each other in three days. Only one student can leave the
winner. After 3 days if more than 1 student is alive, the
collars blow up. They try to escape, collars blow up. If
they try to take it off, it blows up. Best friends killing
best friends, girlfriends vs boyfriends. Who can you trust?
Can you trust anyone? What would you do? Run and hide? Kill?
Defend your self? Try to beat the game? Try to escape? Unite
everyone together? You watch, mesmerized for 2 hours as the
40 students go through these questions and form their strategies.
Could you kill your best friend? It’s an original amazing
film. WARNING: it is extremely violent and graphic, it is
also a Japanese film and is subtitled. So if you don’t
like reading subtitles go rent the Real Cancun or something
brainless like that, cause this is not for the weak, dumb
or lazy. Released in 2000, it is a cult classic worldwide
and the studio was too scared to release it to the American
public. You have to order it through foreign DVD web sites.
Go here for more info: http://video.battleroyalefilm.com.
This has become one of Kid Cas’s all time favorites.
Love Stinks = 7.5
Saw this on DVD and it was surprisingly good. It looks
like it could be a chic-flick and it kinda was but it’s
different too. It’s about relationship gone bad,
real bad, psychotic bad. It also has some good generalizations
on real life relationships. Like how women remember the
least
little thing about your relationship and call it an anniversary,
like the first time you guys take an airplane together.
And how women will nag a guy to death about getting married.
Funny as hell and has some hot chicks like Tyra Banks,
Tiffany
Thiesen and Brigette Wilson.
Hero
= 7
This movie will be out in the theaters in Nov.
but you can order it on DVD out of china now. Stars Jet
Li, Donnie
Yen(Iron
Monkey, Blade 2), and Xiang Zhi(Rush Hour 2). Good film,
but not you’re typical martial arts flic. More like
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon style film and just like that
film, it’s a little long, a little slow at times,
very dramatic, good fight scenes, and you have to read
subtitles.
The fight between Jet and Yen is worth it alone.
28 Days = 6.5
It’s OK, but not as good as some people are saying.
Starts really slow and picks up in the middle and the end.
Not as much zombies as you would think and it has little
twist at the end. But the old style camera work and the slow
pacing doesn’t do it for me.
The HULK = 7.5
OK, 2 things I didn’t like: the final fight
with his dad and it was a little slow at times. Everything
else was
good. The Hulk looks GREAT!!! When the HULK is smashing
things, its fantastic. I loved the fight scenes and the
way the Hulk
looked. He just looked so damn real!!
Justin to Kelly = 0
I did not see this movie. No way in hell I could, but I have
read some funny as hell reader reviews I have to share with
you guys:
“ After watching this movie I immidiately tried to hang myself.
However, it didn't work out because for no appareant or
logical reason, I broke into song and dance while trying to make
the rope.AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!”
“ If we see this movie, not only do the terrorists win, but
they are right.”
“ My wife and I thought a storm was passing through while watching
this sh*tty flick. Then we realized---it was that girl's
thunder thighs! For G-d's sake, lose 30lbs and buy some
boobs. Certainly the record producers can pay for it.
And that Sideshow Bob homo needs to call it quits.”
“ This movie is gayer than gay porn at its best. This movie
literally licks the sweat off a dead man's ballsack. I
could not envision a worse movie to ever grace a big screen. I
could seriously produce a better movie in 5 minutes with
a handheld digital camera. I could crap out a better script
than this. In a word, this movie BLOWS!!!!”
“ About a much fun as broken glass in your rectum. As heart
warming as dumping a colostomy bag on someone's head. As
funny as a catholic priest violating a child. As musical
as a retard with pie pans. As emotional as a bag of lettuce.
Poke your eyes out instead.”
“ JUSTIN GO BACK TO UR 7-11 JOB, You stink buddy. You can't
act and you seem very femme to me. Kelly, you need to take
up hairdressing or something.”
And finally my favorite…….
“ It was so awful I was laughing and chuckling to myself.
It was so terrible that I started to cry and was trying to
get my girlfriend to get out of the theatre as soon as possible.
She thought I was crying tears of joy, but they were really
tears of pain.
Finally I took two straws and start gouging at my eyes
and my girlfriend then decided it was time to go.”
2 Fast 2 Furious = 6.5
This was similar to the first film, bad plot,
bad script, bad characters, cool cars, hot chicks. The
one thing
it lacks
though is good races. Other than the opening race, the
rest of them fall flat. Not only are cool races a let down,
but
the rest of the cast is well. Paul Walker is the same,
Tyrese is pretty good, the cops are annoying, the bad guys
aren’t
cool, and even the leading lady, Eva Mendes, isn’t
as interesting as the Brewster and Rodrigues from the first
film, but she is hotter. Rick Yune was far more interesting
as the baddie. The lack of Vin Diesal and a good supporting
cast hurts. And I didn’t even think the first film
was that great. In the end, though, the cars, women, and
sun keep the movie from being a total disaster. Summer,
popcorn flick like te first, but not as good as the first.
X2=7.5
Good film, not a great film, but a good one. Better
than the first and has a lot more action. However, I feel
that
its being overrated by a lot of people, who think it’s
great. But, I felt the same way about Spiderman and that
made $400 million. I hope the Hulk is as good and does as
well. What will be bigger the Hulk or the Matrix Reloaded???
One thing I didn’t like was Iceman’s brother
being a little brat and calling the cops on the X men. I
understand what they were trying to show, but seemed a little
bit too much. Something more should of happened to warrant
him calling the cops. Also, a lot of innocent soldiers and
cops were killed by the X men. They were just falling the
orders of their commanding officer, Stryker. They might have
been in on the whole deceptive plan, but that was never really
revealed, so as it played out they seemed like pawns in Stryker’s
plans. Nice scenes with Colossus, hope he gets more screen
time in the next one.
Identity=7.5
Good film. Lots of plot twists and you have to
follow along from beginning to end. Surprise ending, kinda.
A lot
of people
that don’t like, didn’t understand it. It wasn’t
that hard to follow, so either they were idiots or didn’t
pay attention.
Cradle 2 Grave=6.5
Jet Li is still struggling with American directors and
filmmakers, who don’t how to use his talents. His best American
film to date is still Kiss of the Dragon. Evan his fight
with Mark Decascos in the film’s climax, disappoints.
I really had hopes for this film. Jet needs to get away
from movies with co-starring rappers.
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days=0
How to piss off Kid Cas one sentence? How to spend Valentines
Day with your other dateless friends? How to make a real
man puke? This movie answers all that.
Knock around Guys=7
Pretty good film, far from great but entertaining. Funny
moments and solid action. However would you trust $500,000
that meant your father’s life in the hands of a coke-head
friend? Or would you take $500,000 that belonged to the
mob and not get the hell out of town? These are some of
the crazy
things that happen, but still the film is watchable.
Maid in Manhattan=0
If you think Kid Cas would watch this film, than I have stock
in the Kid Cas Movie Corp. I would like to sell you for $100
a share, there are currently 1,000,000 shares available.
One Hour Photo=6
OK film, nothing special, very anti-climatic. Wait til it
comes on HBO.
Kid Cas is looking forward to:
The Hulk – This better not suck.
Matrix 2 – No way this sucks, even
with keanu.
Lord of the Rings III – I just gotta
see how this ends.
X men 2 –Its gotta be better than the original.
Kid Cas is protesting against:
Jason vs Freddy – One of the ideas that
sound good on paper, but is a disaster waiting to happen.
American Idol – Kid Cas would rather lion –sault
on a bed on burning nails than even watch this preview.
Terminator 3 – Why can’t old guys
hang it up?? Arnold looks so old in this is ridiculous.
How does
a terminator
cyborg age? This is gonna suck big time!
2 Fast 2 Furious – To even think about making this
film without Vin Diesal is a crime. This is gonna be like
the “Friday” movies without Chris Tucker.
Head of State – This is gonna suck worse than the NPG.
How many times are we gonna have to see the same lame joke,
of old white people trying to act black and “gangsta” ,
because of some black guy like Martin Lawrence, Method Man
or in this case, Chris Rock, who hasn’t made a good
movie this century.
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